The Inevitability of Becoming a Senor Citizen

I am afraid of age.

I’ve watched my grandparents turn

Arthritic and dull,

Numb.

Unable to get up on their own,

Go to the bathroom,

Answer the phone.

I do not want that life.

When I was younger

I used to tell people

I never wanted to live past forty.

I dread the time where my skin will become wrinkly

And my bones sore.

I do not want to become tired at 6 p.m.

Nor have to wear glasses to be able to read words on a page

I hate the idea of my children putting me in a nursing home,

Or not having my parents and family around.

I like my skin soft and un-speckled

I like staying up until 11 because I have energy

I like having my parents take care of me

Watch over me,

Take care of me,

Guide me.

I have a special connection to the elderly,

People always tell me I do.

I’ve wondered why,

But now I think I know.

I can sympathize.

I pity them.

I understand how awful it would be in their place

Eating pureed food,

Watching TV day in and day out,

Nurses taking care of you,

Everyone you know and loved

Gone.

I saw my Grandpa Lee,

A very agile and energized old man,

Breathless as he moved boxes,

Into his new home.

Every few times he lifted something

He had to sit on the couch to rest.

I can’t take the knowledge that that is as good as it gets

At that age.

In elementary school,

One friend asked my group

“Would you rather die young in your sleep,

or old by a painful murder”

Everyone was stuck,

Unable to choose their answer.

They wanted long lives,

But they wanted to die peacefully.

Everyone was shocked when I answered immediately

“Die young of course.”

Surprised by the fact that I didn’t care that I’d live a short life.

I am young now,

I do not know how I will think in the future,

If I will find a job,

A husband,

Or have children

That will make old age worth it.

Although almost everyone does.

But for now,

I want energy,

Freedom,

Independence,

Family,

Memories.

But most of all,

I want youth.